


Discretion

by crane9



Category: USWNT - Fandom
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-31
Updated: 2018-12-04
Packaged: 2019-07-05 01:59:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 20,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15853905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crane9/pseuds/crane9
Summary: For years, Kelley has avoided moving forward in her personal life. She's scared and doesn't quite know how to proceed until she meets someone she can trust.





	1. Chapter 1

The incessant taping of her fingernails was driving her sister crazy. She knew it, but she couldn’t help it. Erin’s eyes shot dirty looks in her direction every time it started again, but the daggering look did nothing to rid Kelley of her anxiousness.

“If you’re going to be like this the whole time, we shouldn’t even be going.” She said, returning her eyes to the map on her phone, navigating them to the arboretum. Kelley didn’t say anything and sat silently looking out the passenger car window. She wasn’t looking at anything in particular, not the trees, the road, nor the family riding their bikes along the pavement. She was lost in her own mind and her sister knew it.

“I think it’s a bad idea,” she followed after nothing from Kelley, “you obviously still love her.” The brunette’s head shot back towards Erin. 

“I am not in love with her.” She said calmly, “that’s the furthest thing from my mind.” Her eyes returned to a blank stare out the window, a plain depiction of the woman in her navy blue lace dress. Her hair was gorgeously tied back in a bun that allowed the woman’s shorter hairs to frame her face in an effortless fashion.

“Then why are you acting like this? You haven’t said more than three words since the BBQ last night, since you talked to Ann.” The probing was starting. 

Kelley didn’t want to talk about it, but she knew they wouldn’t be able to enjoy this wedding if she didn’t. She looked back to her older sister, the woman’s hair perfectly blown out and beautiful. Erin agreed to be her plus one to this wedding which provided relief, so much so she probably wouldn’t be here without her. Her sister had always been there for Kelley, all throughout their lives they had learned to depend on each other. That also meant they knew exactly when the other was hurting. She let out a deep sigh, “Erin, I’m just thinking. Can you just let me be?”

“About what? You know you can’t stop there.” Another sigh from the younger sister, she sat there thinking if the next few words would come out wrong; wanting or even worse desperate. 

“I wonder if I’m ever going to be as happy as Ann is with her new girlfriend--I mean wife, whatever. They seem so in love. Ann never looked at me the way she at Sarah last night.” Her voice trailed off as she said the last few words. Erin’s lips went taut, her expression was attempting to be comforting but failed to do so, after all, she herself was approaching 35 without any candidates for life partner. Although there were a few, she never seemed to feel the love she had always wanted to feel, expected to feel. There was silence during the few remaining turns of the winding road, one that felt neverending.

“She did.” Erin said finally. Kelley looked at her confused, “Ann did look at you that way.” They stared into each other’s eyes for a moment, Kelley realizing exactly what Erin was saying. She turned the wheel of the car into the small driveway of their destination, “sometimes that’s not enough.” She said matter-of-factly. They pulled into a parking spot on the gravel and Erin checked her hair and makeup in the mirror, she took the keys out of the ignition and grabbed her clutch. Kelley looked at her, eyes pleading for an explanation.

“If that’s not enough, what is?” Kelley said before exiting the car. 

There’s a certain feeling that can’t be replicated when you see someone you once loved getting married to someone else. For most, they are lucky enough not to witness it first-hand, but Kelley isn’t one of those lucky people. When she got the invitation in the mail it didn’t surprise her, she knew that Ann had moved on with her life unlike herself. They had talked about it before, wanting each other at their own weddings because although love was not enough to hold them together, they still maintained a deep connection that warranted their presence on each other’s special day. And although they had agreed to this, Kelley was compelled to find a way out of it. There was a plethora of excuses she could have given: training, camp, family matter, etc. She spent long hours from the couch in her apartment staring at the invitation, beautiful and simplistic. But ultimately, she didn’t have the heart to do it. When she called her sister begging her to accompany her to the event, Erin didn’t hesitate and now they were here. 

As the two women walked up to the seating area where guests were already gathering, she noticed all the familiar faces, most of whom were their mutual friends in college. Since Kelley had moved back East she hadn’t seen many of them in years. They greeted her with hugs and smiles but also cocked heads and worried looks, touching their hands gently to the back of her shoulder, as if their were offering some type of condolence. It made Kelley shift uncomfortably in her heels and everytime it happened she looked towards her sister for an escape which was swiftly executed.

“Everyone I know is looking at me like someone just kicked a puppy, and I’m the puppy.” Kelley whispered to her sister so no one in the vicinity could hear. Erin attempted to force a grin but again failed to offer a comforting atmosphere. If she was being honest, she wasn’t super comfortable being there either. With their arms linked together they walked towards their seats, carefully avoiding dips in the grass where their wedges wouldn’t fare well.

As they turned to enter the aisle where there were two open seats, she felt a hand touch her shoulder. When she turned around she was relieved to see that it was Amy, her best friend from college. 

“Come sit with us.” She whispered, gesturing to the area a few rows back, her boyfriend, Mark, waving. He always had the most welcoming of smiles. Kelley nodded and tugged Erin’s arm in the opposite direction. The chair was already warm from the California sun beating down on it, Kelley’s dress was just long enough that she didn’t have to feel the texture of the chair on the back of her legs.

“I can’t believe you came,” Amy whispered, “but I’m so happy you did!” She smiled. 

“Me too.” Mark added, “you’re the most fun out of Amy’s college friends.”

“Thanks, Mark.” It must have been strangely uncomfortable for him to be surrounded with all of Amy’s college friends. They didn’t meet until Amy had finished school and moved to Chicago, but for the handful of times Kelley got to spend time with them, she thought they were great for each other. 

“Honestly, Aims, I wasn’t going to. And a part of me wishes I hadn’t. Everyone from college is looking at me like I have four heads.” 

“Don’t pay attention to them, once this is over and the party gets started, nobody is going to care who’s here and who’s not.” Erin pitched in.

“I agree with Erin. Besides, lesbian weddings are the best. It’s going to be a great party.” Amy grabbed Kelley’s hand and put it in her lap, something she always did to comfort the brunette when she was stressed. Much like Erin, she knew Amy was in her corner at all times. The string quartet began to play as the wedding party processional took place. When the brides walked down the aisle, Kelley couldn’t watch. She kept her eyes forward and pretended to be distracted by the photographer constantly moving to get the best shot. Kelley feared that if her eyes caught a glance of Ann she would cry, just being there she could feel the tears begin to well. 

Like most wedding ceremonies, it was twenty minutes that instilled hope for love back into everyone who ever doubted it. The two women had slightly different dresses of complementing shades of cream that highlighted their personalities. They both cried as their families watched on; Erin at one point wiped a tear from her cheek. Kelley didn’t witness much of the ceremony, she stared at her hands in her lap, listening to the words of the officiate but not necessarily stringing them together in coherent sentences in her mind. The emotion was just too much. She had known it for years but now there was no denying it, she needed to move on. Her mind was flooded with thoughts and feelings about what the next few years of her life would look like, where she would be and what she would do. It had been hard since Ann to find anyone to date, she couldn’t do those dating apps and with her work she was rarely forthcoming with who she preferred to date. She needed trust and discretion before anything. 

Amy poked Kelley’s side, “hey, the ceremony is over. Want to grab a drink?” 

Kelley nodded, finding ground after being pulled out of the thoughts circling her mind. Erin grabbed her sister’s hand and Amy linked arms on her other side, guiding her to the open bar. If there was one thing she knew was going to happen in the next few hours, it’s that she needed to have fun, and she had the two best people beside her to accomplish that. 

Kelley had two drinks in her before dinner was even served. She could feel the alcohol warm her cheeks and her stress dissipating as she smiled and hugged her old friends. Erin was right, no one cared that she was there once the drinks were flowing. A man came on the microphone to announce that dinner would be served in the next ten minutes, Kelley recognized the voice. Ann’s brother who she really liked and got along with when they were together, when his eyes caught her’s he nodded and smiled. They hadn’t talked in years but she could tell he was walking towards her.

“Hey Kel,” he leaned in a gave her a hug, “you look beautiful.”

“Thanks, Jake. You don’t look too shabby yourself.” Kelley looked him up and down. He was a few years older than Kelley, his hair darker than Ann’s but their smiles the same.

“Where are you these days? I try to keep track of you on social media but it’s too hard.” He laughed.

“Well right now I’m back home in Atlanta, I bought a place last fall. But I play in Utah and travel with the team as usual.” It was a challenge for her to finish the sentence without a slight slur.

“Wow, that’s awesome. You are truly amazing.”

“What about you?” Kelley questioned.

“I’m having a kid!” Jake said, seeming surprised himself but obviously excited. 

“That’s amazing, congratulations! I’m so happy for you and Abby.” The two couldn’t wipe the smiles off their faces, it had been too long. 

“Hey look, I’ve got best man duties to attend to but can we talk more a little later?” 

“Sure.” Kelley said, releasing him from her and walking directly to the bar. 

She tapped the dollar bills on the bar as she waited for her drink, for how many people were at the wedding the bar was empty with the exception of one other woman. The brunette didn’t recognize her from college but the woman was obviously curious about Kelley. She sipped her drink from the bar just a few feet down, she wore a coral colored dress that contrasted beautifully with her tan skin and dark hair. 

“Hey,” Kelley said, sounding a little defeated.

“Hey.” She replied. 

“How do you know the brides?” Kelley asked.

“I used to work with Sarah. You?” 

Kelley nodded, “Um, I went to college with Ann.” If the woman didn’t know Kelley, she wasn’t about to play the desperate ex in front of a stranger, “I like your dress.” The woman watched as Kelley obvious looked the woman up and down.

“Thank you, yours is beautiful.” 

“Can I order you another drink?” Kelley offered. 

“No, thank you. I’ve barely started this one.” She chuckled quietly and moved closer to the brunette, “if you went to college with Ann you must know a lot of the wedding guests? It seems like everyone I meet went to college with Ann.”

It was Kelley’s turn to chuckle, “unfortunately I do.” 

The dark haired woman said nothing and continued sipping her dark liquor. When Kelley’s drink came, she put two bills on the bar and attempted to walk away. After a few steps she turned around. 

“Are you going to eat?” Kelley said using her thumb to point to their table behind her, like a hitch-hiker. She couldn’t help but noticed, the woman wasn’t making her way to a table as dinner was being served.

“I don’t really know anyone here, I was just going to nurse this drink until I could leave.” 

Kelley laughed, “The party hasn’t even started yet. Come sit with us, we don’t bite.” 

She could see the dark-haired woman mull over the offer silently.

“C’mon, you should at least get a free meal from this wedding if you had to get all dressed up.” Kelley began to walk to her table where Erin, Amy, and Mark had been chatting. The table seated six and there were three open seats. With her drink in her hand, she turned around to see the woman following her, a warm grin on her cheeks.

“Hey guys, I got us a new friend. This is---” Kelley realized she never introduced herself, “Actually I don’t even know her name she’s so new.”

“Madison!” Erin screamed and jumped up to hug Kelley’s new friend. 

“Erin, oh my God! What are you doing in San Francisco?” The two women were beaming with smiles as Kelley shot confused looks to Amy and Mark. The couple shrugged and went back to their cocktails. 

“I’m here for this wedding, with my sister, Kelley!” Kelley raised her hand and waved. 

“You two know each other?” She asked.

“Yes, Kelley, this is Madison! Madison Clark.” Erin said this as if Kelley should have known who the woman was, she continued to look at her blankly. 

“Madi and I were in the same cohort when we got our MBAs at UGA.” She turned to look back at Madison, “I haven’t seen you since that alumni mixer last summer, what have you been up to?” 

“Woah, woah, woah, can we do introductions first and then you can catch up?” 

Erin nodded and Kelley stood up, “I’m Kelley, Erin’s sister. This is Mark and Amy. And you should sit, get comfortable because it doesn’t look like you’re leaving any time soon.” She gestured toward Erin. Madison smiled at her again.

She let the two women catch up during dinner while she questioned Amy and Mark about any potential plans to move to Atlanta. She had been trying to get them to make the move since she bought her place but they just opened their new restaurant in Chicago three months ago. It was good that Kelley got some food in her stomach because the drinks kept coming. Towards the end of the meal Kelley felt the tapping of a finger on her back and turned around quickly to see who it was. Ann stood in front of her, as beautiful as ever in her wedding gown, Kelley went speechless and stood up.

“Kel, I’m so happy you came.” Ann wanted to hug Kelley but didn’t make the move.

“Yeah, I’m happy too. You look beautiful.” She said, her voice cracking slightly. The table cautiously watched on, hoping Kelley wouldn’t do anything to ruin the moment. She turned to Sarah, “You look beautiful too, Sarah.” The woman smiled and hugged her.

“I know it meant a lot to Ann, for you to be here, so thank you.” Sarah said. Kelley nodded silently as Ann and Sarah greeted the others and Kelley’s table. When they left, it was silent. Amy and Erin looked worriedly at the brunette as she quickly downed the glass sitting in front of her. Now, the alcohol was flowing freely through her body, there was no way of stopping it or slowing it down. The music was louder, the lights brighter. Madison witnessed the change in Kelley after the brides visited the table, and although she didn’t know the truth, it didn’t take much to guess. After the music started blaring and people started dancing, Madison stood up as Kelley’s eyes followed her movement.

She grabbed Kelley’s hand from it’s place on the table, “you want to dance with me?” Kelley didn’t know what it was, but with her hand in Madison’s, the woman didn’t feel like a stranger. When Kelley said yes, the rest of the table stood up and headed to the dance floor that was flooded with young and old, dancing like crazy to whatever song the DJ put on. The five danced freely, enjoyed laughing and not taking themselves seriously. At one point, Mark attempted to break dance, drawing attention from everyone there. Kelley found Ann across the circle that had gathered and smiled, nodding to her. Letting her know she was okay, or that she will be okay.  
Madison grabbed Kelley’s hand and walked her to the bar, smiling and laughing as they made their way through the crowd of sweaty dancers.

“I’m thirsty” she said once they were far enough from the roar of the music, “and hot!” 

Kelley laughed, “me too, I didn’t think we were going to make it out of there alive.” She couldn’t help but notice their hands were still holding on to each other. They ordered their drinks and walked out to where the sun had now set and the sky was turning to a dark violet.

“Thanks for inviting me to come sit with you earlier, it was really sweet.” Madison said. 

“Yeah, no problem. It was crazy that you went to school with my sister.” Kelley sipped on her drink, doing her best not to chug the whole thing with how thirsty she was. 

“Yeah, so you used to live out here?” Earlier Erin had already offered that information but if it meant getting Kelley to talk to her, she didn’t mind making it seem like she didn’t know the answer.

“Yeah, I went to college out here and stayed for a few years after I graduated.” 

“What do you do?” 

Kelley didn’t really know how to answer this question and was frankly surprised that Erin didn’t already tell her, “Um, I play soccer,” she said hesitantly, “professional soccer.” 

The woman seemed impressed and smiled, “you must be pretty good.” The alcohol tingling her lips and throat as it went down, she smiled warmly at Kelley. 

“Yeah, pretty good. I guess.” Kelley was looking up at the evening sky, in awe of it’s immenseness. 

The woman’s hand slid into Kelley’s once more, “do you want to keep dancing?” 

“You go ahead, I’ll catch up with you,” she said, “I sort of miss these California sunsets.” The woman smiled like she understood and walked back to the tent where the dancing was still visible. 

Kelley really did miss this. Being outside and watching the sunset, no need for a jacket or a blanket. It made her seem so small, it humbled her, made her feel alive. She could hear footsteps approaching her from behind, there was a tinge of fear that crawled up her spine, hoping desperately it wasn’t Ann. When the person stood beside her, she realized it was her sister and the air she had trapped in her lungs was free to leave. 

“Are you having fun?” She said, her arm now slung over Kelley’s shoulders.

“Yeah, I am. Are you?” 

“Yeah.” She smiled. They both looked up to the sky, taking in the beautiful scenery of the arboretum. Erin cleared her throat, “Madison has been asking about you.” Her eyes still fixed on the sky. Kelley turned to face Erin.

“She seems nice. What did she ask?” 

“Yeah, she is.” Erin replied and sly smile spreading across her face, “If you dated women?” 

Kelley raised her eyebrow and nonchalantly proceeded, “What did you say?” 

“I said yes.” She waited for a response but nothing, “and that you’re single.”


	2. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kelley didn't think she'd ever see the woman again, but she's glad she did.

Her temples were throbbing even before she opened her eyes. The dull beating of her head was already prompting the nausea and as she opened her eyes it became worse. Kelley’s groan was met by her sister’s chuckle, already up and dressed to begin her day. She could smell the rich coffee in the room, wondering where it could possibly be coming from. When she found it’s source in Erin’s hands she didn’t know whether she was going to be sick or if the coffee would be a welcome cure to her hangover. She can’t remember feeling like this since college.

“How long have you been up?” Kelley’s voice was hoarse and cracked.

“Kel, it’s noon. I got up at a normal time. Around 9 maybe.”

“Crap, it’s noon already?” She reached out and grabbed the cup which was extended to Kelley by her older sister. Erin was fully made up and dressed, not showing even the slightest bit of exhaustion or wounds from the night before. She wished so badly she hadn’t made the mistake of getting so drunk at the wedding so that she could be as smiley and functional as the woman in front of her.

“Yeah, you need to get dressed.” 

“What? Why?” Kelley slowly rolled to her side, attempting to sit up in the bed.

“We made plans to get lunch, remember? With Amy and Mark?” She couldn’t remember them making plans. Her sister continued, “we have to meet them in 20 minutes so hurry up!”

“Erin, I don’t think I can make it. I drank way too much last night.” She tilted her head back against the headboard, “I don’t even really remember making plans.”

“Well it was your idea so we have to go.” Erin walked over to Kelley’s suitcase and tossed her a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt. She walked into the bathroom and started the water, “take a cold shower and you’ll feel as good as new.” Erin smirked looking down on her sister with pity but Kelley barely moved. The room was only spinning slightly but she knew if she moved it would make it worse. Erin grabbed two ibuprofen from her purse and shoved them into Kelley’s hand, “I’m not messing around, you have to move.” 

Kelley groaned but soon planted her feet on the floor. She popped the two pills into her mouth and guzzled down the bottle of water next to her bed, giving up on the coffee. Surprisingly, it wasn’t that hard to place one foot in front of the other, and in no time she found herself being pelleted by the cold bullets of water shooting down from the showerhead. At first it knocked a few breaths out of her but after a moment her body became acquainted with the cold. She had a moment to think about what happened last night as the icy water flowed down her back, she remembered the woman. She remembered spending the rest of the night with her, unsure and not caring where the rest of her friends were spread out throughout the night. They danced together for hours and rushed hand in hand out into the woods whenever they needed a breather. They laughed, a lot. At each other’s goofiness and charm. When the night came to an end and Kelley was reunited with her sister, they didn’t say when or if they’d see each other again. There didn’t seem to be a need for it, both women content with leaving it be. Kelley had wanted to take the woman back to her hotel room, spend more time with her, feel her body against hers. It had been too long since she felt that. But knowing Erin would be in the bed next to her and that it was more than likely, not the right thing to do, she left without a word. 

On the car ride home, Kelley pretended to fall asleep so that Erin wouldn’t ask questions. The alcohol was strong and her head was fuzzy so maybe she could have fallen asleep easily if she gave in, but her mind was occupied with the tan-skinned woman. Madison had made Kelley laugh throughout the night, taking her mind off the things she would have naturally gravitated towards. Everytime the woman took Kelley’s hand she felt a jolt of electricity flow through her body, rendering her speechless for enough time for someone to notice. The woman’s smile was infectious and she offered the type of kindness that Kelley considered rare and charming. She didn’t want to pretend like the woman was just like any other but she didn’t really have another choice.

TWO MONTHS LATER

Kelley’s apartment was a mess, tiles were strewn across the kitchen island and dust speckled across the plastic sheet that covered the bare counters. 

“I don’t like that one.” Kelley said throwing it back into the box with the other colors of backwash tile that she didn’t want.

“Kel, we’ve literally been through hundreds of colors. You’re never going to like any of these.” Erin huffed with frustration and annoyance. 

“It’s got to be perfect. What if I pick something and then hate it in two months, then were back to square one.” Her eyes looking knowingly toward her sister, pleading for patience. Erin turned around and plopped herself on the gray couch cushions that had been calling her name since she arrived. After an hour of Kelley looking through the tiles and Erin nearly flipping through social media on her phone, Erin sits up staring at her sister, still busy looking at blocks of ceramic.

“This one,” Kelley holds up a deep blue tile speckled with white and gray, feeling the weight of it in her hands “this is the one I want. Looks good right?” 

Erin nodded as her eyes stared at the piece of ceramic in her sister’s hand, wondering how it took so long to settle on that particular one, “it’s about time.” She said moving close to her sister, “hey, you know who texted me the other day?” 

“Who?” Kelley responded, her mind still trained on the task in front of her.

“Madison.” 

Kelley stopped what she was doing and looked up. Her stomach dropped at the mention of the name, “Madison,” her voice trailed off and she scrunched up her face as she made eye contact with Erin, “from Ann’s wedding?”

“Yeah, that Madison.” Questioning whether Kelley didn’t remember the woman or was pretending for the sake of ignoring whatever was going to come next in the conversation.

“She’s in town, visiting family for Thanksgiving. Asked if we would want to get a drink with her, so I told her we’d meet her tonight.” Erin checked to see if there was any reaction from her sister.

“Drinks? Why don’t you two go?” The brunette had gone back to her work of placing the tile in all different orientations against the wall to make sure she still liked her choice.

“She asked if both of us wanted to. Why don’t you come? You had so much fun with her at that wedding.” 

“That was because I thought I’d never have to see her again.” Kelley replied, void of emotion.

“Kel, you can’t keep running away from people. Can’t you just go out for drinks with us and see how it goes?”

Kelley stopped and walked over to her sister who was still sitting on the couch in her living room. She sat quietly for a few seconds before saying anything. She wasn’t running, was she? She needed to protect herself, feel protected and the only way to do that was to be in control. It had been a long time since she wasn’t in control, and honestly, it scared her to have to relinquish even the slightest bit of it. She thought back to that night at Ann’s wedding realizing that much of the way she reacted to Madison, her openness and care-freeness, was due in part to the alcohol and not wanting to be alone that night. But over the months the woman has popped into her head, she remembered her smile and the way she felt when they danced together. She would lie if her sister asked her about any of it.

 

“I’m not running away, I just don’t want to date a complete stranger. I need to be able to trust them, my livelihood counts on it.” 

Erin knew what her sister was talking about. Kelley needed discretion. After the last woman she dated flaunted Kelley around like a trophy making Kelley second guess if the woman actually liked her or just liked the thought of dating a professional athlete, she wasn’t ready to date just anyone. It was hard for her to discern if people liked her or her job, it made her self-conscious and sometimes took its toll on her confidence. Erin knew all of this but Madison was a different story. She wasn’t a stranger and she wasn’t a heartless person like the other people who Kelley came across in the past. 

“Madison is not a stranger. We went to school together, I know her. She’s not a weirdo.” Erin said. She leaned toward her sister, trying to get the woman to look her in the eyes. 

“She’s a good person, one of the best people I’ve ever met.” 

Kelley looked up finally and met her sister’s eyes, “so you trust her?”

“Yeah, Kel. I trust her.” 

 

Kelley stood outside the upscale bar waiting for her sister who was supposed to meet her after she got off work, and before 6 o’clock when they were supposed to meet Madison. She looked down at her watch and realized it was a quarter until six and her sister hadn’t responded to any of her messages. Her heart was beating quicker than she wanted it to and her palms were quickly becoming sweaty. She thought about leaving, if she went now there would be no trace of her. She thought about staying, feeling bad for leaving Madison in the dust and not knowing where or what her sister was doing. But by the time she decided it was too late. She turned around as she stood outside the entrance to the bar on a main street of midtown and was met with that beautiful smile. The tan skinned woman was dressed in dark, tight jeans with a plain white shirt under her leather jacket, the woman’s hair was in waves falling freely past her shoulders. Kelley remembers that she had her hair up during the wedding. There was just the slightest hint of makeup but the woman could have easily gone without it. She walked toward Kelley who was nervous and shaking in the spot she stood, no one had this effect on her.

“Hey, Kelley!” She waved and pulled the brunette into a warm hug, wrapping her arms around her and squeezing tightly.

Kelley muttered a simple hello in response, she wasn’t sure what to say to the woman who took her breath away. 

“Where’s Erin?” She asked.

“Good question.” Kelley responded, warranting a strange look from her guest, “She was supposed to meet me after work, but I haven’t heard anything from her.” She continued to look along the busy streets for any sign of her, intermittently checking her phone but nothing.

“Are you worried?” Madison’s voice sounded concerned, “We can go look for her?”

 

Kelley chuckled, “no, it’s probably not a big deal.” As the words left Kelley’s lips her phone dinged with the sound of her ringer and she answered the call.

“You better have a good explanation for not answering any of my texts.”

 

Madison looked away and took a step back not wanting to eavesdrop on the sisters’ conversation. She looked out to the busy streets and relaxed her shoulders, realizing how tense they were. She checked her phone, nervous about not having anything to do with her hands when she heard Kelley’s voice next to her.

“She’s running late, something came up at the office.” Madison nodded, “She said she’s on her way now but it’ll take at least 45 minutes with traffic and everything.” 

“Oh,” Madison replied, “Do you want to go in and grab a drink while we wait?” After she finished she could sense Kelley’s hesitancy. She continued, “Or we could just cancel. Whatever you want to do.” She rushed the words out anticipating Kelley’s uneasiness.

Kelley inhaled deeply, she was more nervous than anything, “no, let’s go in. We’re already here.” She smiled and the woman next to her smiled in return pushing the door open for Kelley to lead the way. They took a seat at a high-top table where the host guided them, the place was busy with the happy-hour rush of investment bankers and corporate guys dressed in suits slightly too tight or too short to look as good as they intended. Kelley immediately ordered a beer and Madison followed ordering one of the many cocktails highlighted on the menu. They sat in silence for a few moments, taking in their surroundings and each other. The thought of it being complete silence between the two of them until Erin arrived, ran through Madison’s mind. But then it came.

“So you’re in town visiting family for the holiday?” Kelley asked.

Madison offered a gently smirk, “yeah, my parents are hosting a big Thanksgiving dinner and my sister is bringing her kids.”

“Do you have a big family?” Kelley followed up. 

“Big extended family, but it’s just my sister and I.” She answered, “What about you? What are your plans for Thanksgiving?”

“Oh my plans involve Thanksgiving at my parents’ house and eating an obscene amount of mashed potatoes and pumpkin pie.” She laughed. “No but honestly, I just like spending it at home.”

“Well that sounds a lot nicer than having 45 people to share it with, I’m not sure I’ll even get any pumpkin pie.” Madison says jokingly. 

“You have to have some pie.” Kelley looked at the beautiful woman trying to gauge whether she was lying about the pie comment, “If you don’t, you can come over and have pie with us. My mom makes the best pie.” 

“Is pie your favorite Thanksgiving dish?” The words came out with a tinge of flirtiness and she hadn’t taken her eyes off the brunette since they started talking.

“No, definitely dressing.” Kelley is having fun with the conversation and enjoyed that this is the line of questioning the two women decide to go down.

“Ahh, so you’re a dressing kind of girl?” Madison continued, “you don’t call it stuffing?” 

“Nope, it’s dressing! You’re in Atlanta, no one calls it stuffing here.” She laughed.

“I know, I just thought maybe your time in California might have changed that.” Laughing alongside the woman.

“No, it will always be dressing. What about you? What are you excited to have for Thanksgiving?”

“I’m a turkey and gravy lover, my dad puts together an amazing gravy.” 

Kelley nods in response looking the woman deep into her eyes when their drinks arrive. She takes a sip of the cold beer and sets it down on the table, cupping both her hands on its side. Madison looked around not knowing what she should have said next. 

“All that talk about food has made me hungry. Do you mind if I order some food?” Kelley asked.

“That’s a good idea, I might do the same. Anything good?”

Kelley smiled at her, “Yeah this place is great! What are you in the mood for?” Madison loved the way Kelley was so expressive about the smallest joys.

“Um, anything really. Do you mind ordering for me?”

“I got a better idea, how about I order a bunch of appetizers and we can share them. Sound good?” Madison nodded and Kelley called the waiter back over to their table so she could order. 

“Very well.” The waiter said, “Also Miss, I’m not supposed to say anything but there are two men at the bar who requested to buy you another drink. We don’t typically do that kind of thing here but--”

Kelley didn’t move at all, she hated when this stuff happened. She didn’t look in their direction and wouldn’t have acknowledged them even if she did. She didn’t even know what to say to the waiter. She looked to the dark haired woman across from her, her eyes gently asking for help. She didn’t need to say anything for Madison to get the hint.

“Can you tell them we aren’t interested? But thank you.” The waiter nodded and turned to head back to the kitchen. 

“Sorry, I’m just really bad at handling those type of situations.” Madison places her hand on Kelley’s gently.

“No worries.” Their eye contact brough Kelley back to the night of Ann’s wedding. Maybe Erin was right, maybe Madison is the amazing person she thinks she is and Kelley was running. Running without even knowing it. 

“How are the plans for your clinic going?” The brunette asked.

“You remembered?” Madison said looking surprised.

“Yeah.” Kelley responded a little uncomfortable at letting that fact be known. 

“It’s still a long way down the road. I’m actually planning on moving back to Atlanta next year, so it’ll have to wait until after that happens.” A small glimmer of light illuminated Kelley’s eyes. 

“Really?” She said excitedly, “Why?”

“A lot of reasons but I mean, Atlanta is home.” She said, “No where else has really felt like that, of all the places I’ve lived, I’ve never felt the most comfortable as I do here.” The words pieced together not only symbolized the physical location but conveyed her feelings in the presence of the woman in front of her. 

Kelley looked into the woman’s dark eyes, they were warm and honest swirled with brown and hazel giving insight into the woman’s kindness, “Well Atlanta would be lucky to have you back.” Their eyes never left the glance between them until the waiter returned with an assortment of food. Two arms wrapped themselves around Kelley’s neck, startling her.

“I am so sorry!” The voice was familiar.

“That’s okay Erin, I’m still glad you could make it!” Madison stood up to hug the woman who resembled a smaller and louder version of her younger sister.

“Nice of you to show.” Kelley whispered into her ear as they hugged. Erin stuck the tip of her tongue out at Kelley and continued on to the food.  
“Thank God you ordered food, I’m starving.” She reached for a plate and helped herself to the appetizers Kelley had ordered for herself and Madison. She didn’t mind because in that moment she looked up and met the glance ahead of her. For the fifth time that evening butterflies filled her stomach and warmth flooded her heart and mind. Madison was beginning to feel less like a stranger with every moment they spent together.


	3. I don't know what I'm doing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kelley realizes the kind of person she wants to be with, is the kind of person Madison is.

Kelley was lying on the couch sprawled out among the cushions, defeated. Her siblings and mom surrounded her laughing at the comedic spectacle. She laid down in the shape of a starfish, her hair covering her face yielding just enough room to breathe comfortably.

“Mom. Dad. That was the best Thanksgiving dinner, hands down!” Kelley exclaimed.

“You sure Kel? You’ve had a lot of them. That’s a strong statement to make.” Her Dad chimed in looking lovingly at his youngest daughter.

“No really. That was delicious. It’s been too long since I’ve had a home cooked meal.” Her family nodded in agreement knowing Kelley had been on and off the road for months. And even though that is the life she had grown accustomed to, they wished she came home more for dinners.

“How about we watch a movie?” Their mother suggested and everyone agreed. It was a family tradition and didn’t come as a surprise to anyone.

Kelley went upstairs to change into something a little more comfortable, her tight jeans were beginning to restrict the food and became increasingly uncomfortable. She had left her phone upstairs because she didn’t want it to distract her from her time with her family but decided to grab it before heading back downstairs. We she finally turned on the screen she saw a message from an unrecognizable number. 

She went to open it.

Hey Kelley! Hope you’re having a great Thanksgiving! I got some pie. 

Attached to the message was a picture of the smallest piece of pie next to the beautiful woman. Kelley smiled. The butterflies fluttered throughout her abdomen and took a while to rest. Her mom met her in the kitchen downstairs where she was looking at her phone.

“What are you smiling about, Kel?” She said. Kelley hadn’t seen her enter the room and quickly pulled the phone to her side, trying not to look ashamed or suspicious. 

“Nothing mom. Just talking to a friend.” Of course Kelley could never lie to her mom and she was met with the questioning gaze from the older woman who knew her better than she knew herself. When she saw the look she relented the truth.

“It’s this girl.” She said, “I met at Ann’s wedding.” Her mom’s eyes opened with surprise as she put away the last of the dishes from that night.

“Really? All the way over there in California?” Her mom asked.

“Yeah, but she is visiting family in Atlanta. Erin went to school with her.” Again her mom’s eyes looked surprised but offered a warm smile. 

“Well, I’ll leave you to text. I hope she’s a good egg.” Her mom leaned over and pressed a kiss to the top of Kelley’s head.

“Yeah, me too.” She replied calmly realizing that she really did hope the same thing. She quickly typed back a reply and headed into the family room.

That piece is not nearly enough to hold you over for a whole year. How was your Thanksgiving?

The movie her family had picked was one she had seen more than a handful of times and although she enjoyed spending time cuddled under the blankets with her siblings, the movie did little to hold her attention. Minutes into the movie she received a reply from Madison and her heart jumped, flooding her with warmness. There was something about having the woman’s attention that made Kelley happy, the conversation was easy, there were no games, no secrets.

Madison: It was great! A little crazy with my niece and nephews and all the people. But it was nice to be with family. How about you?

Kelley: Same. We’re cuddled up on the couch watching a movie now. 

Kelley: What are you doing tomorrow? Want to come over for a respectable amount of pie?

She clicked the screen off realizing how forward her last message had been but the smile remained on her cheeks. She felt a nudge from the right side of her body where Erin laid. When they met each other’s glance Kelley saw the grin across her sister’s face.

“Is that Madison?” She asked.

“Why do you care?” Kelley whispered back.

“She asked for your number.” The whispers now turned up.

“And I’m assuming you gave it to her because yes, I am talking to her.” The grin on Erin’s face got even bigger. Kelley rubbed her eyes with feelings she didn’t know how to handle, “I just asked her if she wanted to come over tomorrow, I don’t know what I was thinking. I’m 30 years old and I invited her to my parents’ house.” 

“Are you kidding? It’ll be great, Mom and Dad love her. She could come to the UGA game with us.” Kelley was all of a sudden extremely confused and paid no attention to her phone. Her Dad grabbed the remote and paused the movie after not being able to hear the last 30 seconds over his two daughters.

“Is there an issue girls?” He asked.

“Hold up, Mom and Dad know Madison?” She said in front of everyone, she glanced at her parents who had confused looks on their faces as well, not registering any familiarity to the name.

“Yeah, Dr. Clark. From Bayside.” Erin said, “She was the doc that did Dad’s shoulder surgery.”

“Oh yeah, Dr. Clark!” He exclaimed, “I thought she moved to California though, great doctor and sweet person---very funny. How do you know her?” 

“Oh God.” Kelley flopped back into the cushions with her hands in her face, “This can’t be true.” 

“Honey, Dr. Clark was such a joy. I’m sure she’ll take good care of you if you are thinking of going to see her.” Her mom added.

“No Mom. Madison. Or Dr. Clark, err whatever!” Kelley said flustered, “Is the girl I’m talking to! And I just invited her over tomorrow but I didn’t know you knew her and now this is going to be so awkward.” 

Everyone in the family looked around at each other, exchanging glances and smiles as they witnessed Kelley sulk in her spot.

“Kel, it’s going to be fine. We loved Dr. Clark and we’d love the have her over.” 

Kelley looked down at her phone which was now plastered with messages from the tan skinned woman. 

 

Madison: I am actually not doing much and I would love a piece of this amazing pie you keep talking about. 

Madison: Also, I don’t know if you know but I’ve already met your parents. A few years ago I was your Dad’s doctor. I don’t know if it matters but I wanted you to know.

Madison: Does the invitation still stand?

Kelley’s dad started the movie again as she got up from the couch and walked to the kitchen. Did it really matter? Would it make any difference? The news was surprising but the kind words her parents had for the woman were more affirming than anything.  
Kelley: Of course, it still stands although there’s a slight hiccup. We have an extra ticket to the UGA game tomorrow, would you want to go to that and then come back to have some pie?

Madison: Absolutely! I rarely get to see my bulldogs play, thanks. I guess I’ll see you in the morning?

Kelley: Yeah, it will be fun! See you tomorrow.

The feelings of nervousness and awkwardness all washed away after talking to Madison. She had a way of doing that. Kelley checked the time and realized it was almost midnight, she elected to head upstairs after saying goodnight to her family who were still entranced in the movie. When her head laid to rest on her pillow she couldn’t stop thinking about this woman. The butterflies rose everytime she imagined her and her mind constantly ran through their conversation, dissecting and picking apart the words they exchanged. A smile kept on Kelley’s cheek as she drifted off to sleep, looking forward to the next day. 

_________________________________________

When Kelley woke up the next morning she opened her eyes to the smiling, glowing face of her older sister, lying on her bed, staring straight at her. 

“What the heck, Erin? What are you doing in my room?” Her voice was tired and still tainted with sleep. She covered her head with her pillow trying to block out the light coming in from the window and the brightness of Erin’s smile. 

“It’s game day and we need to head out soon. I just wanted some quality time with my sis.” 

“We spend almost all our time together, I know you’re not here for that.” Kelley muffled from under the down comforter.

“I just want to know what you’re thinking? What you’re feeling?” Erin said gently. All she wanted was for Kelley to be happy and she knew that Kelley never talked about her feelings. She didn’t after her break up with Ann, she didn’t when she had fallen in love with a teammate that later went on the date her best friend. For years, she kept everything inside working it out at the gym and in trainings but never working through it in any different way. 

“I don’t know what I’m feeling, Erin. It’s just a football game.” 

“Yeah, but you haven’t asked anyone out in years.”

“I’m not sure this counts as asking someone out. Our whole family will be there.” Kelley pulled the pillow off her face, “besides, she still lives in California.”  
“That doesn’t matter, she is moving back.”

 

“Yeah, but is it worth it to wait. I don’t know.”

“I have a feeling you’ll find out soon.” Erin said with a smile that spread cheek to cheek. Kelley didn’t quite know what the statement meant but decided to ignore it. Although she sensed that Erin knew something she didn’t.

They got out of bed and dressed for the day’s festivities. There were a few text messages exchanged between Kelley and Madison about when and where they would be meeting and finally settled on the O’Hara’s picking up Madison on their way to the stadium. Kelley’s parents agreed to drive separately to delay the awkwardness, which Kelley was extremely thankful for. 

When they pulled up to Madison’s family home, she was already waiting outside throwing a ball for a couple of caramel colored dogs. Her smile gleaned from her cheeks and the dogs ran excitedly back in forth from the woman. Kelley hopped out of the car and watched them for a few moments before Madison realized she had company. 

“Oh hey!” She yelled from across the yard, holding up her index finger as she lead the dogs back into the house and grabbing her purse. 

When Kelley got back into the car she released a breath she didn’t realize was being held. Erin and her exchanged glances. Madison entered the car through the backdoor passenger side directly behind Kelley’s seat.

“Hi, everyone!” She exclaimed. Kelley and her siblings welcomed the dark haired woman.

“Madison, this is my younger brother Jerry.” She reached out her hand and shake his, he smiled but didn’t say much which wasn’t a surprise given he was the quiet and reserved one out of the three of them.

“How are you all doing? How was your Thanksgiving?” Madison immediately asked.

“It was good.” Erin answered, “We’re so happy you could come today, this is going to be so much fun!”

“Yeah, thanks for inviting me. I haven’t been UGA game in a long time.” The woman answered, she reached her hands forward and placed her hands on Kelley’s shoulders, squeezing momentarily.

“How are you, Kel?” She asked. Electricity shot through the brunette at the unexpected contact. The tan skinned woman continued to message Kelley’s shoulders.

“Good.” Was all she said.Erin continued the conversation as Madison’s hands returned to her lap. 

The game was full of stolen touches and glances between the two women that didn’t do much to ease Kelley’s nerves. Madison was really good at engaging Kelley’s brother which was unexpected and welcomed. He loved talking to her about football and other Atlanta sports. Madison knew surprisingly a lot about the topic it surprised both Kelley and Erin. On the card ride home the two bickered about whether Matt Ryan was past his prime and would retire after the season.

“No way, he’s got another 5 years in him.” Jerry said.

“Nope, he’s done. They’ll trade him before next season. I guarantee it.” Madison replied.

“Ok, this time next year, we’ll see.” 

“OK, watch.” She said with a smirk.

Erin drove the car back to her parents’ house where the three of them were all staying the weekend. She didn’t think of asking if Madison wanted to come along or not, because she didn’t want to give her an option. When they arrived home Jerry and Erin went in to the home while Madison kept back with Kelley.

“Hey Kel?” She said, pulling the brunette closer to her.

“Thanks for inviting me today.” She said gently, “I had a ton of fun.”

“I’m glad you came, and are now best friends with my brother, who talks to no one.” Kelley chuckled. She was still surprised by how well the two got along and in a lot of ways it forced her to see a different side of the woman. She was free, caring, and made everyone feel like they were loved. 

“He’s a cool guy.” The dark haired woman said while brushing a hair away from Kelley’s cheek, “Do you want to sit out here for a bit?” 

“Yeah.” She gestured to the patio furniture on her parents’ porch. They sat in separate chairs with large cushions but Kelley pushed her chair closer to the woman’s so that they could next to each other.

“You seem super close with your family.” Madison said. She oriented her body towards the brunette, not wanting to turn away.

“Yeah, I guess I am. I really enjoy them.” Kelley responded, “How about you?” Her voice was soft and tender.

“Yeah, I guess I’m pretty close with my family. It gets hard when we are all so spread out. But I guess that’s part of the reason why I want to move back.”

“When do you think that will happen?” Kelley asked.

“I’m not sure, they need to find a replacement for me and I guess that could take months. Hopefully sooner rather than later. And I guess I would need some time to look for a place. I’m shooting for the summer.” She smiled.

“I have a game in Santa Clara in a few weeks.” Kelley said looking up to the sky, “You should come, if you can. No worries if you can’t.” 

“Kelley. I would love to.” Madison reached out to grab Kelley’s hand, “Could I see you other than the game too?” 

Kelley looked over to the woman and smiled, “I would like that.” Madison held on to Kelley’s hand for a few moments, not wanting to let it go. She wished the armrests between them didn’t exists because all she wanted was close the space between them. Kelley’s smile made her heart melt, she saw the woman as funny and loving, she made her laugh and couldn’t stop herself from wanting to spend time with the woman. There was something about her that she couldn’t resist. 

“Do you want some pie?” Kelley asked with a grin spread cheek to cheek.

“Do you want some pie? Madison returned the question.

“Maybe…” 

“Let’s do it. I’m ready to try the best pie I’ve ever had.” 

“I never said it was going to be the best pie you’ve ever had, but it will be close. I promise.” She grabbed the woman’s hand and lead her into the house, dropping her hand at the sight of her family.

“Dr. Clark!” Her parents greeted, “It’s so good to see you.” 

“Same, Dan. How’s the shoulder?” She said. And just like that, she seemingly fell into a comfortable conversation with Kelley’s family while the brunette sliced her some pie. They played board games for the rest of the night, enjoying wine along the way. Kelley hadn’t laughed so hard in a long time and with every new thing she learned about the beautiful woman, she became more enamored. She watched her interact with her parents, plotting with her mom and dad to take down Jerry and Erin in Settlers of Catan. When the night was over, Kelley drove Madison home. She pulled up to the driveway and put the car in park. Madison unbuckled her seatbelt and turned her body towards Kelley.

“If this weren’t my parents’ house, I’d invite you to come in.” Madison chuckled, prompting a smile from Kelley. Kelley turned the key of the ignition so the engine was off. She turned her body to the woman and smiled, looking down at her hand in her lap.

“Madison?” She said, her voice almost childlike.

“Yeah?” 

“It’s been a long time, since I’ve --- um.” She stuttered, “Since I’ve seen someone, like dated anyone. Does that make sense?” Madison nodded and smiled at how cute Kelley was being. Kelley continued, “I just want you to know that. And know that I think you’re amazing. So if I mess this up, it’s not on purpose.” She grabbed Madison’s hand and moved closer to her. 

“Kelley.” Madison whispered, “I think you’re amazing too. And I don’t know what we’re doing but I know I want to spend more time with you. And do more of this with you.” Gesturing to their hands lying in Madison’s lap.

Kelley leaned in and tenderly pressed her lips to the woman. Electricity flowed freely between the two women briefly before Kelley pulled away, smiling. 

“So I’ll see you in a couple of weeks?” Kelley asked.

“Absolutely.”


	4. Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kelley tries to lie to her friends.

“Let’s go!” Was all Kelley heard as she ran the flank of the pitch. The ball was at her feet and she could see Christen cutting across the eighteen. She took two steps to shimmy the defender and blew past her with a step and a half lead, she pulled her left foot back with the other as an anchor and made clean contact with the ball. Christen brought it to the ground with a good first touch and turned to release her cannon into the net. There was no time to celebrate because another ball was in play but this time they were headed the other direction. Kelley sprinted towards the other end of the pitch and made contact with Julie who was carrying the ball up the middle of the field. Kelley kicked her foot out in the path Julie originally intended the ball, the sting of the plastic reverberated through her leg but she had done her job.The two women were racing back towards Kelley’s goal now with not a single player in their periphery. Kelley cut in towards the goal as the keeper came out, Julie shoved her slightly in the back causing her to lose balance but once she regained it, she chipped the ball over the keeper and into the net. They went back and forth like this for a few more minutes before the whistle blew. Kelley hadn’t played this well in a long time and people were noticing. 

Winded and tired, Kelley walked over to the sideline to join her teammates as they began their cool down routine. She desperately looked around and grabbed a bottle of whatever hydration concoction was available to quench her thirst. It felt good to be back with the team after her long hiatus due to injury. The past few months had been particularly difficult. Soccer was her life and her livelihood --- her injury made her doubt that. Above all else It left her feeling uncertain. But in the end she always went back to the basics of why she played the sport --- love. Soccer was the one thing that she had loved since she was a child. 

“Kel, want to come to dinner with us tonight? We’re getting sushi?” Allie asked. Kelley hadn’t told anyone that she was leaving the hotel tonight nor did she plan on saying anything to anyone.

“Um, nah.” She replied while switching her stretch, “I think I’m good.” Allie and Alex scrunched their noses up in confusion. They looked at each other making sure they had just heard Kelley correctly.

“What do you mean, you’re good?” Alex asked.

“I mean, I don’t think I’m going to join you for dinner.” This was almost never the case when the women were in camp. They usually spent all their time together unless someone’s family was in town.

“Are you not going to eat dinner?” Allie asked.

“No I am.” Kelley’s replies were about to get shorter and shorter but the last thing she wanted to do was tell her friends what she was actually going to be doing.

“Are you going to eat dinner by yourself?” Allie’s voice giving way to some inflection towards the end of her question. The two women moved closer to Kelley, “What’s going on? Are you okay? Did we do something?” 

Kelley chuckled, “I’m fine. And nothing is going on, I just have plans.” She said, loosening the laces on her boots.

“But you haven’t mentioned any plans,” Alex tried to think back to all the conversations she had with Kelley since arriving in the Bay Area, “have you?”

Kelley grabbed her boots and stood up, “No.” Allie and Alex exchanged looks and quickly followed after their friend as she packed up her stuff. It wasn’t like Kelley to be so secretive about plans.

“Are you going to hangout with your Stanny crew?” Alex asked. Kelley hadn’t even thought about getting in contact with her college friends who were still in the area.

“No.” Kelley reached into her bag and grabbed her phone. It was nearly 4 o’clock and she needed to hurry if she was going to make it on time. When she looked more closely at her phone she noticed a number of messages from Madison.

Madison: Hey, can’t wait to see you tonight.

Madison: I’ll pick you up at the hotel at 6 :)

And there it was again---that feeling. She wouldn’t have been able to describe it if she tried, but she did know it had been a very long time since reading a text message made her that happy. The two women had pretty much talked everyday since seeing each other after Thanksgiving, mostly over text messages, but there was the one time over the phone. Before leaving Atlanta, something compelled her to click the green icon when the woman’s number showed on her phone. Part of her hoped the woman would be busy so she could leave a message, but after the second ring she heard the soft voice of the tan-skinned woman. The sound of her voice gave way to an unexpected feeling, one that made her realize how much she missed it. 

“Hey,” She answered, “Is everything okay?”

“Hey---yeah, um everything is fine, why?” Kelley said into the phone as she laid on her loveseat in her apartment in Atlanta.

“Oh, nothing.” Madison replied, “I just wasn’t expecting your call.” She was rushing to grab a coffee between patients and she was breathing slightly heavier than usual. 

“Right, sorry. I should have given you a heads up.” Kelley responded, embarrassed.

“No, no. You don’t have to give me a heads up, it’s great to hear your voice.” 

“Yeah, same.” Kelley gulped loudly, feeling a large lump in her throat, “How are you?” 

“I’m good, it’s been a busy day at the hospital but I’m almost off. How have you been?”

“I’m good, just packing and doing a few things around the house before I leave. That’s actually why I’m calling.” 

“Yeah?” 

“I’m going to be in San Francisco on Sunday and wanted to know if you’d like to go to dinner with me. If you have a free night.” She continued to ramble, “If not, that’s cool. I can just see you after the game, if you’re still coming.” Kelley could hear the woman lightly chuckle on the other side of the line and realized she was speaking excessively fast.

“Yes, Kelley. I’d love that. Just let me know what night and I can get someone to trade shifts with me if I need.” She answered.

“Oh, well we have Tuesday off so maybe Monday night? That way we can stay out as late as you’d like.” Kelley replied.

“Sounds good, do you want me to pick somewhere or did you have a place in mind?”

“Can you pick a place? I feel like you’d know better.”

“Sure.” Kelley has been looking forward to their dinner ever since she hung up the phone.

Tonight would be that night. She thought about telling her friends in camp about it mostly because she was freaking out on the inside and both Alex and Allie were great at boosting her self-esteem. But she eventually decided she wouldn’t tell anyone about Madison until she knew she wasn’t going to mess it up. 

When she looked up from her phone she saw the questioning faces of her teammates. Alex’s eyes narrowed and she pointed her index finger toward Kelley, waving it up and down slowly.

“Your hiding something from us.” She said.

“Duh, Al, that’s kind of obvious.” Allie replied.

“No, no.” She slapped the blonde in the stomach, “ You’re hiding someone from us.” Kelley’s face turned red as her two friends got louder. The noise was now gathering the attention of her other teammates as they looked curiously in the direction of the three women.

“Will you stop? Please!” Kelley pleaded in a whisper. Alex could tell she was serious so she stopped.

“Why though?” She asked.

“What?” Kelley replied.

“Why would you hide someone from us?” She sounded defeated, “We’re your best friends.”

Kelley shook her head, “It’s not because of you, it’s because of me.” Her eyes closed as she tried to find the right words, “This thing is really new, I don’t want to mess it up. I thought if I just kept it to myself that I’d have a better shot.”

The two women nodded, “Wow, this must be the real deal.” Allie responded with her mouth still partial agape.

Alex walked over to Kelley and hugged her from behind, “You know we love you, right?” Kelley nodded, “You’re honestly one of the best people we know. If this person doesn’t realize that, well, then, it’s their lost.” 

“Thanks Al.” Alex held on to the hug for longer than Kelley liked. 

“Can we at least help you get ready?” Alex pleaded, “We won’t ask any questions, I promise.” 

Kelley nodded, knowing she needed them more than she thought.

____________________________________________________________________________

Once they got back to the hotel the three of them headed straight for Kelley’s room. The room was spotless, the bed was made and nothing was out of place except for Kelley’s bag on the other end. 

“Ok, what do we have to work with?” Alex asked. Kelley went to her bag and pulled out all the clothing options she packed for tonight. Most of the pieces of clothing were t-shirts with not much more to them. 

“Kel, did you pack anything else?” Allie said rummaging through the clothes.

“Nope.” 

“Do you know where you’re going?” 

“Nope, but she said casual.” 

“Ok, ok, we can work with casual.” The two women pieced together an outfit for Kelley as she did her hair in the bathroom. When she came out they picked a pair of black jeans and a white shirt layered by her army green leather jacket. Kelley didn’t put up a fight and got dressed. When she looked down at her phone it was 5:50 and her phone was flooded with texts from Madison.

Madison: Hey, I’m here. I’m early so take your time.

Madison: They wouldn’t let me wait in the driveway so I had to park. Let me know when you’re headed down.

Madison: I just decided to wait for you in the lobby, it was too cold outside. 

Kelley rapidly typed out a response not wanting the woman to think she was ignoring her.

Kelley: Sorry just saw this, I’m coming down now.

“Sorry guys, I’ve got to go. She’s downstairs.” Kelley said.

“Can we come say hi!” Alex asked, “Please. Just a little hello, nothing else.” 

Kelley grabbed her bag and headed for the door, “Sure.” She groaned. Kelley knew Alex wouldn’t be able to stop herself from prying, even though she promised.

When they exited the elevator Kelley looked around the busy lobby for any sight of the beautiful woman. Standing by the revolving doors was Madison, her hair was wavy and long, lying atop her shoulders. She was wearing dark jeans that hugged her thighs with a navy blue blouse that cut a V down the front of her chest, Kelley followed the trail of the long gold necklace that laid in that space but stopped before she let herself get too far. Madison’s face was makeup free and for the first time Kelley noticed the little freckles that lined her cheek. She hadn’t noticed them before, not at the wedding, or the football game, but they easily became Kelley’s favorite feature.

Madison walked towards Kelley with a smile spread across her cheeks, she freed her hands but timidly pulled back once she realized Kelley was not doing the same. When she noticed the other women her smile changed and was no longer solely focused on the brunette in front of her. It had been weeks and the anticipation of spending time with Kelley again was at its peak but she would have to wait a little longer. 

 

“Hey!” Kelley greeted Madison, giving her a brief and awkward hug.

“Hi.” The dark haired woman whispered back.

“My friends wanted to say hi.” Kelley gestured to Alex and Allie standing behind her. Madison stepped out from behind Kelley and reached her hand out to introduce herself. 

“Hi, I’m Mad--” before she could finish her name, Alex rushed up and hugged her. The contact was unexpected but she gently hugged Alex back.

“I’m Alex. And this is Allie.” Allie reached out her hand and shook Madison’s. Her greeting more calm but welcoming all the same.

“It’s great to meet you both, I’m Madison.” She was now standing closer to Alex and Allie than she was to Kelley, feeling a bit uneasy about their greeting. 

“It’s great to meet you too, Madison. Where are you all going for dinner?” Allie asked.

Madison looked to Kelley to make sure it would be okay to tell them, “Oh, just this little restaurant that I love that’s not too far from here. It’s very small and quaint but serves the best Thai food.” 

Alex’s eyes opened wide, “Thai food? But Kelley hates---” 

Allie yanked Alex’s arm and pulled her back, “Yum, sounds good. It was nice to meet you Madison. Have a great time you two! Get her back by midnight!” 

Kelley could tell Madison was confused by the sudden push to rush Alex away.

“You don’t like Thai food?” Madison questioned the brunette, who now stood in front of her.

Kelley didn’t want to ruin the night and tried to avoid the question, “No, no. It’s just that I don’t like spicy things and the last time I had Thai food I couldn’t feel my mouth for days.” She laughed.

“Oh, ok. Do you want to go somewhere else?” Madison asked.

“No. You love this place and I want to go.” 

Madison grabbed Kelley’s hand but realized that the brunette quickly pulled away as if her hand had shocked Kelley’s. She didn’t say anything about it and the two walked to the woman’s car. When they got in Madison’s car, Kelley immediately leaned over the center console and framed Madison’s face with her hands, the feeling was overwhelming and the rush of blood to her face was making her vision blurry and her cheeks swelled. Kelley moved her face in closer to Madison’s.

“Hi” Kelley whispered.

It took Madison a moment to catch her breath before she could say anything, “Hi, Kel.”

“It’s so good to see you.” Kelley leaned in a little further before Madison couldn’t stand her being so close. The tan skinned woman met Kelley’s lips and pressed hers gently against the cool, soft touch of the brunette. Madison reached her hand out to grab any part of Kelley’s before finding her thigh and squeezed softly. 

Kelley pulled away slowly, “I’ve been wanting to do that since the last time I saw you.”

“Really?” Madison said entranced by Kelley’s touch but also confused when she pulled her hand away just moments ago. The woman in the passenger seat caught the hint of hesitation in Madison’s voice.

“Yeah, why?” 

“Nothing, it’s nothing. Should we get dinner?” 

“Definitely.”


	5. In the moment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kelley's head says one thing and her heart says another.

The restaurant wasn’t exactly how Madison had described it. When Kelley entered through the glass doors, there were tables spread across a grand room, bustling with waiters and patrons. The noise level was low and the lights were dim, setting an ambiance of a chic and modern gathering place. There were a few tables open but otherwise the place was packed. The wood floors seemed new and the lighting fixtures glistened as if they had just been freshly polished. The two women stood at the doorway where others were waiting and the hostess seemed frantic and flustered with the iPad in her hand. When the hostess settled her eyes on the dark haired woman aside Kelley, her frustration turned quickly to elation.

“Dr. Clark! It’s great to see you.” She walked towards Madison swerving through the crowd of people and began guiding them down into the dining room, “we haven’t see you in some time Dr. Clark, where have you been?.” The woman’s voice was joyous and there was a tinge of accent that Kelley couldn’t place.

“Please, how many times do I have to tell you to call me Madison. It’s great to see you too, Ming. It’s changed a lot in here.” Madison replied with a warm smile, wrapping her arm ever-so-gently on the small of Kelley’s back.

“Yes, yes. Business has been good.” She smiled back, “And who is this beautiful woman, your date? How exciting? It has been a long time since you bring date here.” Madison chuckled. Ming was sometimes too truthful with her words but Madison never minded it. When she lived in the neighborhood she came here way too many times, mostly with her ex-girlfriend who she didn’t care much to bring up in this moment. The three of them swerved through the tables being careful to to run in to anyone. 

“Wow, so you bring a lot of girls here” Kelley said with eyes big and a cheeky smile, “I thought I was special.” She smirked.

“Um, maybe. But that was a long time ago. Ming, this is Kelley. Kelley, this is Ming.” The women smiled brightly at each other and shook hands, “she’s the owner.” 

“It’s nice to meet you.” Kelley smiled.

“Good job Dr. Clark, you always find the ones with beautiful smile.” Ming meant it to be a compliment and when Madison caught a glance of Kelley’s smile, she couldn’t disagree. Ming continued to showed the women to their table in the back, away from the raucous of the main dining room, and handed them each a menu. 

“I hope you two enjoy your dinner. Please Dr. Clark, I’m sorry, Madison, let me know if you need anything.” Kelley nodded and quickly opened the menu eager to find something she thought she could stomach for the evening. Since there was no training tomorrow she figured she could be a glutton for one night. Madison didn’t bother to pick up the menu, being a patron of this restaurant for the past three years meant she knew exactly what she wanted, and in the time she would have taken to browse the menu she stared longingly at the brunette in front of her. It took Kelley some time to notice the eyes on her before she finally looked up. 

“Do you already know what you’re getting?” Kelley asked, still frantically browsing the menu.

“Yep!” Madison said, popping the final syllable, “need recommendations?” If Kelley was being honest, she was completely lost. Thai food was something she never really ate and the 35-item menu was overwhelming.

“Ummm. Do you want to share stuff or get your own? I don’t really know what’s good.”

 

“I can share.”

“Ok, then you order and I’ll eat whatever is in front of me.” Kelley smiled.

“Are you sure?” Kelley nodded, “Ok, I’ll make sure it’s not too spicy.”

Before Madison could order for the two they were approached by a group of teenage girls, four huddled behind one who seemed to be the bravest. A small blonde, not more than five feet tall and 100 pounds smiled brightly with her braces glistening in the light. They approached from behind Kelley so she didn’t see them and quietly the young girl cleared her throat. Kelley was taking a sip of her water when she saw the look in Madison’s eyes change from being completely focused on her to something over her left shoulder. 

“Hi.” The blonde girl said, barely audible and targeted more at Madison then Kelley, “I’m sorry to bother you” her voice was trembling “but are you Kelley O’Hara?” Kelley’s smile slowly spread from cheek to cheek. She turned her body around in the chair to talk to the young girl.

“Yes, I am.” She said cooly.

“Um.” The girl was obviously nervous, “My name is Jamie and my friends and I play soccer. We are all going to your game on Friday.”

Madison watched the young girl become more and more nervous as her voice started to shake. But before it got more uncomfortable for the girl she saw Kelley quickly jump in.

“Really? That’s awesome. Are you excited?” Kelley asked. The girls answered in a resounding ‘yeah!’. And waited for Kelley to say something. 

“What position do you all play?” Kelley followed up. As each girl answered, Kelley quickly turned around to find Madison’s smile, she silently mouthed the words, I’m sorry before turning back around. Madison didn’t mind as she sat there smiling at how enamored the girls were with Kelley and the ease in which Kelley made them feel welcomed. Madison gestured the waiter over and ordered for them while Kelley was busy.

After a few minutes of chatting with the girls, Kelley offered to take a picture with them and sent them on their way. The girls headed back to their table, giddy as ever, where a mother sat smiling and waved at Kelley with an immense amount of gratitude. 

“That was really nice of you, Kel.” Madison said, she slid her hand on top of Kelley’s and squeezed it. Kelley pulled her hand away quickly.

“Sorry, not here.” Kelley whispered, “not in public.” 

Feeling rejected Madison asked, “What’s wrong? I’m kind of confused, a few minutes ago we were making out in my car, and now I can’t hold or much less touch your hand?” Madison tried her best not to sound assuming or upset, for her it was an honest question. She saw it at the hotel and now there was no way she couldn’t bring it up. 

Kelley couldn’t help but check to see that the table of girls were no longer focused on her and Madison, “I know, I know. It sounds messed up and I know it is, but I just try really hard to keep my professional and personal lives separate.” Madison knew that wasn’t really the reason but she didn’t say anything. She tried to put herself in Kelley’s shoes, the press, the attention, it’s hard enough being an out doctor, she couldn’t imagine what it would be like when people could recognize you anywhere you went. 

“OK.” Madison answered unsure, her tone was not one of judgment or disapproval, it was laced with confusion as she slowly tried to reason with her own thoughts.

Kelley scooted her chair closer to the tan-skinned woman, “I know it doesn’t make sense but I just can’t do PDA, it has nothing to do with you. Okay?”

There were a flurry of thoughts running through Madison’s mind, but when she saw Kelley’s pleading eyes she convinced herself she just needed to trust her. Since Madison was 20 and in college, she promised herself she would never do anything to hide her sexuality, she wanted to be free and honest unlike the way she lived her life before she came out. She had been with women in the past who weren’t quite sure of themselves and avoided the PDA thing altogether, it always left her feeling like what she wanted was wrong, who she was, was wrong. Even though she couldn’t fully understand why Kelley wanted it this way, she would have to try her best to respect it. But if it meant being with Kelley she figured she could make that sacrifice now.

She smiled and nodded, “Okay, Kelley. I can respect that.” 

“Thank you.” Kelley said smiling, “now, what are we having?”

The remainder of the night was filled with conversation ranging from serious to flirtatious. They talked about their work and their goals for the future, Kelley explained how she wanted to work in youth development when she retired from soccer. They exchanged glances and smiles here and there during short bouts of silence. Kelley thoroughly enjoyed the food and kept asking Madison how to pronounce the names of the dishes so she could order it all again when she was on her own. The brunette attempted to play footsies with Madison under the table every chance she got, prompting a flirtatious glare from the woman across her. There was something about Kelley that changed when she was with Madison, her smile never left her face and she could feel the wall she tried so hard to build up in the last few years was beginning to crumble. 

“So, why do you like me?” Kelley asked, breaking the short silence between them as they ate. 

“Why do I like you?” Madison asked, “Hmmm, you sound very sure of yourself.” 

 

“What? I thought we already established that.” Kelley said with her mouth half full, playing confused but smiling.

Madison placed her fork on the side of her plate and wiped her lips with the cloth napkin that was lying on her lap. She thought for a second, “I like you because you are so caring about everyone around you, because you are intelligent and funny. Because I’ve never laughed or danced as hard as I did that night at the wedding, and it was great. I wouldn’t have done it without you.” Madison was looking deep into Kelley’s eyes.

Kelley cleared her throat.

“You do everything you can to make the people around you feel comfortable, like with me at the wedding and those girls.” Madison said, “I like that, it’s hard to find in people these days.”

Kelley smiled, “you really like that?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I?” She chuckled, grabbing her spoon to continue eating.

“No reason, it’s kind of annoyed people in the past. That’s all.” 

“Well I’m into it.” The tan-skinned woman replied, “and your smile isn’t too shabby either.” 

Kelley’s heart swelled , “well, for the record, you’re not so bad yourself.” She said smirking and returning to her plate as well, letting the feelings take over momentarily.

Kelley grabbed the bill and insisted on paying. It ended up not being very much since Ming comped a fair amount of it. The air was crisp and cool as they made their way to Madison’s car. There weren’t many people on the street since it was a Monday night and Kelley didn’t want to go back to the hotel. Madison was telling Kelley about the time she played soccer and slipped on the ball and broke her arm when she was eight years old and Kelley laughed so hard it was borderline rude. But Kelley’s laugh was so infectious that Madison couldn’t help but laugh too. The tan-skinned woman wanted to badly to reach her hand over to Kelley’s and feel a little part of her, but she remembered the restaurant and resisted. The brunette must have read her mind because Kelley did something she wasn’t expecting. Her hand seamlessly slid into Madison’s and held tight, Madison returned the squeeze.

“I thought you said no PDA?” Madison said quietly as they walked down the city streets illuminated by the street lights.

“Oh this?” Kelley said, gesturing down to their hands, “you’re just keeping my hand warm.” She smirked.

They remained that way until they got into Madison’s car. Kelley looked at her phone and noticed it was only nine o’clock. She really didn’t want to go back to the hotel and probably have to spend the rest of the night answering questions from both Alex and Allie. She also didn’t want this night to end. She thought about inviting Madison up to her hotel room but wasn’t sure how her roommate, Alyssa, would feel about that. She thought about asking Madison if she wanted to find some place to eat ice cream but getting something cold in this whether wouldn’t appeal to anyone.

“Hey Madison?” Kelley asked.

“Yeah, what’s up?” 

“Would it be okay if we went to your place?” Her eyes looking at Madison as the light turned green, “I don’t really want to go back to the hotel.” 

Madison looked back at the brunette with a warming smile, “Are you sure? I live kind of far. What time do you need to be back tonight?”

“I don’t. Can I just stay with you? I have the day off tomorrow.” Kelley said, “I can sleep on the couch.” Even though they had only been hanging out for a short time, something in Kelley was telling her Madison wouldn’t mind if she crashed at her place instead of the soulless hotel. 

Madison let out a soft laugh, “I have tomorrow off too. And you don’t have to sleep on the couch. Unless you want to.” 

“Fair enough, can you just stop by the hotel so I can grab some PJs and my contacts case?” 

“Sure.” 

Madison felt nervous as they pulled into her parking spot behind her small house looking over the Golden Gate Park. The drive was relatively quiet as Kelley played DJ for most of the way. When Madison unlocked the door, her two-year old rescue pup, Milo, greeted them excitedly. Kelley had heard all about Milo through the videos Madison had sent of her attempt at training him. She mostly ended up giving him treats for doing nothing but Kelley thought it was cute. Kelley instantly fell to the floor and rubbed Milo’s belly with care and joy. Madison made her way to the back to put her stuff down in the kitchen. 

“Want a glass of wine?” She asked, already preparing to pour herself one. She needed to do something to kick the nerves that were building up from having the woman at her home. 

“No, thanks. I try not to drink when I’m in camp.” 

Madison made her way back into the living room where Kelley was still playing with Milo. She sipped from her wine glass and watched Kelley from the couch, smiling.

“Do you want to watch a movie or something? Or we could play a game. Or read?” Kelley mumbled her questions, not taking her eyes off of the caramel colored puppy in front of her. Her nerves were also starting to set in. 

“Let’s watch a movie. I’m just going to change first.” 

Kelley stood up from the floor and made her way over to the couch. She waited for Madison to change before she asked her where the restroom was so she could change too. When Madison returned she had transformed. She wore dark-rimmed glasses with a small, fitting white shirt that hugged her sides gently. Her shorts weren’t doing much to cover anything and her long legs reflected her years of running and enjoying the California sun. Kelley took a moment to catch her breath, the woman standing in front of her was one of the most beautiful things she’d ever seen. When Madison walked through the hallway she didn’t immediately go to Kelley, instead she went to let Milo out to the backyard for his nightly relief. Kelley got up from the couch and followed behind her. 

“Where’s the bathroom?” Kelley’s voice cracked as she muttered the words.

“Down the hall and to the left.” Madison smiled, keeping an eye on Milo from the door.

Kelley met the woman back on the couch. She had tried to get a grip on the feeling seeping into every part of her body. Her body succumbing to the warmness. Madison turned on the television as Milo climbed up on the couch with the women and found a place to cuddle on Kelley’s lap. 

“He’s usually scared of people.” Madison smiled.

“Really?” Kelley questioned, “but he’s so sweet.” She continued petting Milo, he rested his head on Kelley’s knee and wagged his tail. Kelley looked up to find Madison’s eyes focused on her, “Your glasses are very cute.” 

Madison chuckled, “Thanks, I hope they don’t make me look too nerdy.” 

“No, I like it.” Kelley smiled, “What do you want to watch?”

Madison was sipping on her wine, flipping through the channels on her television. With her long shifts at the hospital she rarely spent time watching television. Kelley leaned over and grabbed the remote from her, switching the channel to Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

“Can we? I love this movie.” Kelley said.

“Totally.” 

Madison grabbed a blanket for the two women to share and shifted her body closer to the brunette’s. Madison kept her hands tightly clasped to her wine glass while Kelley’s were occupied with Milo. The tan-skinned woman who had never seen the movie, laughed continuously throughout. Milo grew sleepy and retired to his bed on the floor freeing Kelley’s hands. As the movie progressed so did Kelley’s desire for the woman sitting next to her. She laughed every time Madison did because she couldn’t help how adorable it was, she stole glances from the dark-haired woman every chance she got. When Madison finished her glass of wine and placed it on the coffee table, Kelley immediately found the woman’s hand under the blanket. Madison rotated her body so that she was hugging Kelley’s arm and holding her hand in her lap, lying her head on Kelley’s shoulder. Kelley could feel the warm touch of her legs against her skin and the electricity shot through her body once more.

“Do you want to keep watching?” Kelley said, having to clear her voice. Madison looked up to the woman’s beautiful brown eyes.

“Only if you want to. I know you had a long day.” She said.

“You did too.” Kelley smiled, “Do you want to go to sleep?”

“That depends.” Madison smirked. She only had a half glass of wine but it was perhaps enough to give her some confidence. It didn’t hurt that Kelley seemed to tremble under her touch.

“On what?” 

“If you come to bed with me?” 

The brunette leaned in to kiss Madison, framing the woman’s face with her hands. The kiss started slow and soft but picked up as Madison moved her hands to turn Kelley’s hips towards her. Kelley laid Madison on her back and suspended herself above the woman, kissing her passionately, her breaths grew heavier as Madison’s hands slipped inside her shirt, drawing lines along her torso. The woman on her back raised her right knee to force her thigh between Kelley’s legs causing her to let out a low moan. Kelley moved to Madison’s neck, smelling the sweetness of her perfume she placed kisses along her skin holding back the desire for more. 

“Kel” Madison breathed out, “Kel?” Kelley couldn’t pull herself out of the trance Madison was causing her to be in.

“Yeah?” She finally gasped out.

“Do you want this?” Madison asked, trying to make eye contact with the brunette, “is this what you want?” Kelley had pulled herself back, holding herself over the beautiful woman below her. 

“I want you.” She answered, “but I don’t want to rush things. What do you want?” Her thumb brushed the strains of hair away from Madison’s face. Madison pulled the brunette in closer and began kissing her again. Kelley pulled back abruptly and stood up.

“What? Is everything okay?” Madison said worried.

Kelley nodded and looked over to Milo, “I feel a little shy in front of Milo, do you mind if we move to your bed?” She smirked and the other woman chuckled and nodded.

Kelley took Madison’s hand in hers and walked towards the bedroom. They stood at the foot of the woman’s bed and Kelley smiled softly as she leaned her head against Madison’s. She lifted her head and kissed her more, lifting her arms for Madison to pull her shirt above her head. Their kisses became harder and more rapid, Madison traced her fingers over the top of Kelley’s chest, taking in the beauty and curves. They spent that night exploring the most intimate parts of each other, staring longingly into each other’s eyes, and smiling at the blessing of finding one another. 

When Kelley woke up the next morning with Madison’s arms wrapped around her from behind, it was the happiest she had felt in a long time. The sun shined through the window overlooking the park. At some point in the night while they were sleeping Milo had found his place on the bed nestled between Madison’s legs. He poked his head up when Kelley stirred and quickly found his way to some pets. 

“Good morning, Milo.” Kelley said, her voice laced with sleep. Madison stirred behind her and squeezed her arms tighter around the brunette. Kelley decided to hold on to this moment for as long as she could, not knowing when she would have another chance at this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love to hear your thoughts.


	6. Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Madison remembers why she shouldn't be with Kelley. But sometimes you can't help it.

She had set her alarm for 5 a.m. but in reality her body had not been able to rest throughout the night. Madison sat up in bed, rubbed her eyes, and checked her phone. There were a few text messages from friends but nothing important enough for her to linger on for more than a few seconds. She got out of bed, tossed her phone back onto the sheets, put on a sports bra and some running shorts and headed to the bathroom to wake herself up for her morning workout. Her mind had been racing for the better part of the last two days, since she had last seen Kelley. She tried to control it by keeping busy at work and spending all her down time reading the knew dumplings cookbook her best friend bought her, but nothing provided the much needed escape.  
She laced up her running shoes and grabbed Milo’s leash as he sat patiently waiting at the front door for their routine morning run. She threw on a thin top layer and headed out into the brisk morning. The sun was barely peeking over the top of the hills to her left and she immediately regretted not putting on a warmer layer, the goosebumps already forming down her arms. But as her feet began to hit the asphalt with more pace, the heat from her body warmed her. Running was a space where her mind went completely blank. She never listened to music or thought about work. She went as hard and as far as she could until her body couldn’t bare anymore of it. Her head felt the pressure building up as her brain pleaded for more air, her body was not grasping for energy from the deepest corners and a nasty taste entered her mouth, she’d go until her body shut down. The first few miles weren’t obstacles but as she approached mile eight, her body begged her to stop and she keeled over gasping for air. 

***

Four years earlier

“I just don’t understand why this is so hard for you?” Madison exclaimed. Anger was seeping into her tone and her patience was running thin. She continued, “we’ve been together for three years and you still can’t call me your girlfriend to a random person at the grocery store?”

“That’s not fair, you know how I feel about this.” Ellie replied.

“Yeah, I know.” Madison answered defeated. 

“Why is it such a big deal anyway? It’s not like we knew that person.” 

It didn’t matter whether they knew the person or not. That’s not what this fight was about. For three years, Madison was the ‘best friend’. The person always there for Ellie, the one who picked her up from the airport, the one who spent most of her evenings at her house, the one who took care of her when she was sick. And to anyone in Ellie’s world that’s all Madison was. She wasn’t the girlfriend, the partner, the support system, the one who made Ellie weak in the knees, she was just the really, really, really ‘good friend’. But none of that was true and for years Madison had to live with the lie because, for her, Ellie was worth it. 

When their relationship evolved from friends to something more than friendship, Madison understood Ellie’s need for discretion. Their long nights together and weekends away were all that she needed to continue to be happy. Madison was busy with residency and didn’t have the energy to put into a personal life, but with Ellie she didn’t have to. She figured Ellie would need time, but she thought soon enough Ellie would be ready to share their love with the world. That day never came. Months turned into years and the years continued in the same box of lies they began with when they started. For three years, the lies chipped away at their love, the secrets dug deep holes in Madison’s self esteem and she eventually couldn’t exist in that hole anymore.

“I’m done with this.” She said standing in front of Ellie as she emptied the groceries on the table. Madison’s eyes began to tear up, “I can’t do this any longer.” Ellie stopped what she was doing and looked at the woman across from her.

“What do you mean?” Ellie said desperately.

“I mean, this.” She pointed back and forth between them, “I can’t do this. I have no problem with who I am, and I have no problem with how much I love you. I would tell every stranger I met, if I could.” Madison stopped, “I don’t want to live in a lie anymore. We’re not kids.”

“Madi.” She stopped, “if you really want me to, I could work on it? I could change.” Ellie pleaded, realizing the seriousness on Madison’s face.

“No, I shouldn’t have to convince you do to this.” She began to gather her belongs, her purse, her phone, her keys “if you haven’t changed in the past three years, there’s no use to changing now.” Madison threw her purse over her shoulder and walked out of that one bedroom apartment in Atlanta and never turned back. Three weeks later she was moving to San Francisco for her new job.

***

When she reached the overlook of the Bay Bridge it took her a few minutes to catch her breath. The cool morning air stung as she inhaled and Milo’s tongue hung gently, he looked equally as tired. Her mind immediately returned to the freckled-face brunette that she would be seeing the next day. The memory of the warmth of the woman’s arms wrapped around her and waking up to Kelley’s timid grin had made her heart swell. Is she hadn’t fallen in love with the woman already, she would soon. Kelley had given her hope for love again, something she had put away in a far off corner of her mind. Madison had forgotten that feeling, the feeling of being touched, of being wanted. She mostly missed the feeling she had right now. The one where every time she thought of the brunette a smile seamlessly framed her face. The two women had been texting nonstop for the past two days. It was never about anything important but neither women ever wanted it to stop. 

Madison had a nine o’clock surgery and rushed back to the house to shower. She made it to the hospital early enough that she had down time before she needed to be anywhere. Her phone was buzzing in her pocket as she made her first cup of coffee.

Kelley: Good morning! How did you sleep?

Kelley: I miss you (and Milo) :)

Madison smiled. She waited as the picture Kelley sent downloaded and chuckled at the goofy woman still lying in bed with the New York Times crossword and a coffee in her hand. Before Madison had time to respond, she heard three soft knocks on her office door. A man with dark, wavy hair peeked his head out from behind the door. Madison smiled at the man’s handsome smile.

“Hey Damon” she said, “you’re in early.” 

“Oh you know, the early bird gets the worm.” He walked into her office and took a seat at the chair in front of her desk. Damon and Madison were close friends, they went through medical school together and Damon was the one who offered Madison the job when she called him saying she wanted to move away from Atlanta. She was in his wedding and watched his two daughters on weekends when Damon and his wife went away. 

“I’m not sure nine o’clock is early enough to get the worm.” She said, clicking her phone’s screen off and putting it down. Damon looked at her with a grin and questioning eyes.

“What’s that about?” He said.

“What’s what about?” She returned confused.

“That silly smile on your face.” He gestured.

“I just read something funny on the internet.” The feeling hit her like a ton of bricks, why was she lying about this? Damon was her friend, she could tell him anything.

“Really? Something ‘funny’ on the internet is making you look like that?” He questioned, knowing his friend better than she had imagined. Her stomach churned. She promised herself, no more lies. 

“Actually. You’re right.” She said, Damon all of a sudden changed his smile and sat up in his chair, he could see the gears spinning in Madison’s head, “It’s not something I read, it was someone.” 

Damon’s left eyebrow lifted, he seemed intrigued, “Someone?” He said, “Wow, you never tell me about the women you date?” Madison chuckled.

“That’s because sleeping with them a couple times and never calling them back, isn’t exactly dating or worthy of sharing with you.” Her eyes looked downward with a tinge of shame.

“Does that mean this one is different?” He asked and Madison slowly nodded. Damon was never one to pry. He moved his head slowly up and down with a sweet grin, “well, I hope you’ll bring her around. I’d love to meet her. Maybe we can go to dinner?” He said.

Her heart melted at his offer. Damon was like the big brother Madison never had, “Thanks, Damon. I hope you can meet her soon.”

Damon didn’t fail to register the answer was a little off. He tilted his head in confusion, “what do you mean you ‘hope’?” Madison’s gears were churning again, she wasn’t sure if this was the time or place to go into the details of everything. She settled for keeping her answer simple.

“Oh, I just mean, she doesn’t live in the Bay area. She’s from back home, Atlanta.” 

He nodded slowly, “I see. Well she better treat you right, not like that Blondie you had before.” He smiled and his eyes said he meant not harm by the comment. He pushed himself up out of the chair and straighten his belt. He looked at his friend, one more time, closely. He walked toward the door while Madison remained silent. When he got to the door he turned around, “whoever this girl is, I can tell I already like her.”

 

She looked up to meet his eyes, “how do you know that already? I’ve said two words to you about her?”

“Easy. I haven’t seen you smile this much since you’ve moved to California. Anyone who can make my best friend smile with some words in a text, gets the nod from me.” His smile made an appearance one last time before he made his way across the hall to his own office. Madison returned to her phone and typed out a quick reply to Kelley before she left her office to prep for surgery. 

***

Kelley was still in bed sitting up with the crossword puzzle and her coffee on the nightstand. Allie and Alex had joined her taking up space on the spare bed. Her phone buzzed and before she reached for it she filled the final box of the puzzle. 

“Done!” Kelley exclaimed. She grabbed her coffee and phone, taking a sip and opening her messages. When she read what Madison had replied, warmth seeped into her bone and she rested easy.  
Madison: I slept well, probably would have slept better if you were there. I miss you too. I can’t wait to see you again.


	7. Suspended

The bright, fluorescent lights were harsh on the brunette’s eyes but that’s how locker rooms usually were. After so many in her career, games rarely brought nerves like they did tonight. Her jersey and cleats sat nicely in her cubby as she rested in front of them, bare legs and her sports bra hugging the muscled crevices of her back. She had a few minutes before walking out onto the field for warm-ups and her hands shook with excitement. She wasn’t thinking about her touches, their formation, or anything else relevant to the game. All she had in her mind was an image of the tan-skinned woman that ran through Kelley’s mind continuously. She tried to focus on the game (Brazil was never an easy opponent) but every time she remembered the feeling of waking up Tuesday morning she couldn’t help but anticipate the game ending and heading out with Madison. Since she left her house that morning, she wanted to be back in her presence, back in her arms feeling her touch and not worrying about anything else. That was how Madison made her feel, like she was safe and protected. 

They had been exchanging texts non-stop since that day and their admiration for each other grew with every word. With the music blaring and her teammates finding ways to focus she checked her phone to find Madison’s name strew across the gray banner. She quickly opened her phone, making sure there weren’t any problems with her getting into the stadium. Kelley was quickly relieved when she saw the picture that was now on the screen. One of the beautiful woman, hair down and smiling big with the field behind her. Kelley smiled.

“Hey Kel, what’s going on over there?” Alex said with a smirk. Kelley quickly clicked the screen to her phone off. Alex was offering her a warm smile, feeling happy her friend had finally found someone who made her genuinely smile again.

“Oh,” Kelley replied matter-of-factly, “Madison’s here.” And with those words the loving smile returned to her cheeks, having a hard time staying away. 

“You really like her? Don’t you?” The forward asked.

“She’s just…” Kelley’s voice trailed off, “She’s smart and fun.” The brunette stopped to think about how to articulate how she felt, “she doesn’t make me feel like I have to hide. Actually, I guess it would be more accurate to say that she makes me not want to hide anymore. If that makes any sense? I trust her.” Alex grinned and moved her head slowly up and down, she knew exactly what Kelley was saying. She placed her hand on Kelley’s knee and gave an affirming squeeze. 

“She sounds like a keeper.” They both sat there quietly for a few seconds, the smile still not able to escape Kelley’s cheeks, “I meant a goalkeeper.” Alex continued with a smirk on her cheeks. She shot Kelley a wink, asking forgiveness for the horrible joke. Kelley grabbed her phone and shot a text back to Madison.

Kelley: I better hear your cheers from all the way up there! Wait for me after the game by the elevators, Aaron will show you through.

She laced up her cleats and grabbed her warm-up shirt to head out onto the pitch with her teammates. The crowd greeted them with cheers and the cool evening air sent a refreshing rush through her body. When she hit the pitch she remembered what the team was there to do that night, her focus on the game returned to her and she ran hard and attempted perfect touches at every turn. 

The whistle blew, commencing the next ninety-minutes of some of the most physical and technically challenging soccer Kelley had ever played. But from the stands Madison couldn’t tell that it caused the brunette any problems. Kelley moved with pace and speed on the ball that was unparalleled by others on the field. She knew Kelley played defense but saw her push the ball up the left side of the field more times than she could count. There were cheers and yells from the men and women sitting on the other side of the box. They all seemed to be together. Madison smiled at them, catching the eye of a man her age who seemed to be extremely enthusiastic about every play. 

“Hey, are you family?” He said during a dead ball, noticing the dark-haired woman looking in his direction. Madison didn’t quite understand what he meant, in San Francisco that had more than one meaning. The man had a young face but the streaks of gray along his sideburns indicated he had more years than first appeared. She didn’t return his question with an answer which spurred him to continue.

He repeated, “Are you family? Like do you have a family member down there? Or a friend? My sister is number 17.” 

“Oh yeah!” She had to yell slightly for him to hear her, “I’m here for Kelley O’Hara, she looked down at the field. Number 5!” The man looked slightly surprised.

“Kel? I’ve known Kelley since were were teenagers, want to come on over and join us?” He was smiling big now. Madison stood up and grabbed her purse to head over to the loud group of people.

“My name is Jeff. Jeff Heath.” He offered his hand for a shake.

“Madison. Clark.” The ball was now in play and his eyes were purely focused on the 22 women on the field. He yelled many ‘let’s go’s’ and ‘c’mon’s’ in the short time the Brazilians had the ball. 

“Kelley’s playing great tonight. I haven’t seen her play this well in a while.” He smiled, still not taking his eyes off the field.

Madison tried to focus on the game but Jeff’s enthusiasm was way too entertaining to look away.

“Really?” She said, hoping that this change was in part due to her.

“Yeah, she was hurt all last year. I wasn’t sure she was going to make a return. But she did and she’s better than ever. But I’m sure you know that.” He said.

“Um, actually I didn’t but thanks for the info.” She smiled. He turned his body to look at her, his eyes questioning and slightly confused.

“Are you a friend of Kelley’s or a friend of Kelley’s?” He asked. Yet again, she wasn’t sure about his insinuation. 

“I’m just a friend, I guess? Wait, what do you mean by a friend?” 

He chuckled, “don’t worry about it, let’s just enjoy the game.” His hazel eyes tracing back to the the field looking for the ball. When the half-time whistle blew, he stood up and left for a few moments only to return with a couple of beers. He handed one to Madison and proceeded to introduce her to his clan of friends and family who were at the game supporting his sister. Madison shook their hands politely and smiled. The two of them returned to their seats and drank their beers.

“My sister used to live with Kelley when they lived in L.A.” Jeff was charming and handsome but above all, Madison was happy that he was easy to talk to .

“Oh really? I didn’t know Kelley used to live in L.A.” The man chuckled again.

“So how do you know Kelley?” He asked with a harmless grin.

“Well, I went to business school with her sister in Atlanta. And I was her Dad’s doctor once upon a time but we met for the first time at a wedding this past summer.” She said, unsure of what level of detail she should go into with this relative stranger.

“Oh no. Don’t tell me it was Ann’s wedding?” He said knowingly. She looked at him intensely, not understanding how he would have known that.

“How did you -” She tried to get her questions answered.

“Kelley was still with Ann when she lived with Tobin. I remember her telling me about the wedding, the last time I saw her.” He took a sip of his beer, “she wasn’t in the best headspace. If you know what I mean.” 

“Oh, yeah.” She replied. Madison didn’t know what to say so she just nodded and cradled the beer in her hands. After a few seconds of silence she cleared her throat, “So I guess that means you know that Kelley dates women?”

Jeff’s expression was warm, “Yep.”

“Well then I guess it is okay to tell you that I’m not just a friend.” She said quietly so that nobody around them heard. He smiled and nodded. 

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell Kelley you told me. I know how she is about that part of her life.”   
She nodded quietly. It wasn’t a comfortable feeling, it left her uneasy. 

The game resumed and Kelley headed back on the field. The score was still 0-0 but they were revitalized and energetic heading out of the locker rooms. Kelley gave high-fives to her teammates surrounding her and looked up at the box where she could see Madison. The dark-haired woman waved and smiled although Kelley couldn’t see the smile from all the way down on the field. In the 75th minute, the USA was given a corner kick. Kelley was positioned at the top of the box ready to act as a decoy. Her job was to run to the far post as Julie Ertz made a cut to the near post. Rapinoe took the corner and sailed it long, straight towards Kelley’s run. Not having the height she remained in the shuffle until the ball came down to her feet. As the ball returned to the ground she quickly volleyed it back towards the opposite post. A Brazilian defender pummeled her elbow to Kelley’s right eye on her way back down from her failed attempt to head the ball out. The ball flew past the goalkeeper and into the back of the net. The crowd erupted and cheers soon followed but Kelley didn’t move from the ground. She lied there clenching her hand over her face, gasping in pain. 

Madison and Jeff jumped up in celebration when the ball hit the back of the net. It happened so fast she couldn’t tell who made the shot. Madison grabbed Jeff’s jacket and turned his around to face her, slightly out of breath from the jumping.

“Was that Kelley? Did Kelley just score!” She exclaimed.

“Heck yeah that was her!” He said matching Madison’s excitement, his eyes turned to the field where he suddenly changed. The happiness and enthusiasm that filled him just seconds ago was nowhere to be found. Madison followed his eyes towards the field. All she could see was a bunch of the USA players worriedly crowded around someone lying on the ground. She looked to Jeff who didn’t have an answer. Madison tried to find the large screen in the stadium, hoping for a close up of what was going on. She listened to the announcers mention Kelley’s name. Madison’s heart stopped. Madison remained standing, trying to see Kelley get up. Players slowly started to disperse as the trainers ran out onto the field. Soon after that they were followed with a stretcher. 

“What happened?” She asked Jeff just seconds before the replay was shown on the big screen. 

“It looks like she took a pretty nasty elbow to the face.” Jeff said solemnly, “I’m sure she’ll be alright, all of the equipment, the stretcher and all is just a precaution.” His voice had lost all the confidence it once had. But after those words had left his mouth the trainers began strapping Kelley to the stretcher. Madison grabbed her purse that was hung on the seatback and quickly turned to the aisle, making her exit from the box. Jeff followed her. 

“Where are you going, Madison?” He asked, taking large steps to catch up with the dark-haired woman. 

“I’m a doctor, Jeff. Maybe there’s something I can do to help. Or at least just be with her.” 

“I don’t think they’re going to let you back there, they don’t know who you are.” He replied.

“Well then what am I supposed to do, wait here?” Madison pointed at the seats they had just vacated.

“No. Of course not. I’ll come with you. Maybe I can vouch for you.” She nodded and the two made their way to the elevators. Once they got to the ground floor the hallways and doors were closed off with barricades, surrounded by security. The hallways branched into different directions and Madison had no clue where to start. The concrete walls were slightly disorienting and she momentarily became light headed. She took a deep breath and looked towards the security men and women hoping for some kind of help, but it didn’t come.

“This way.” Jeff said and headed towards what Madison believed was the entrance to the field. He grabbed her hand to make sure she didn’t get lost in the crowd of people, “Aaron!” He yelled, “Aaron!” A middle-aged man with dark hair turned around and instantly recognized the man calling his name. He waved his hand for security to let them through the metal barricade. They squeezed through with no room to breath.

“Aaron, how’s Kelley?” Jeff asked.

“Jeff, you know I can’t tell you that.” Aaron’s eyes suggested that Jeff knew better than to ask him that.

“Right. Well Aaron this is Madison Clark. She was up watching the game with us. She’s a friend of Kelley’s.”

 

“I know.” Aaron reached his hand out to shake Madison’s, “Kelley told me you’d be looking for her after the game.” 

“Hi Aaron, it’s nice to meet you.” She said, “Is there anyway I can see Kelley?” Aaron’s head started shaking up and down before she even finished.

“I’m sorry Madison, we can’t let you back there just yet. She’s being evaluated right now. Only family allowed.” In a calmer state, Madison would have been fine with this. But here, right now, she was worried about Kelley and there was no way this guy was going to stop her from seeing her. She took a deep breath and reset, “I’m a doctor, I can take a look at her. Give her a full evaluation.” 

“No, you can’t.” Aaron said calmly, “I’m sorry you can’t examine your own girlfriend, we’ve got team doctors looking at her.” She paused. Girlfriend. Is that what Kelley told Aaron she was? The feeling brought overwhelming happiness and warmness to her heart. She couldn’t stop thinking about the freckled-faced brunette. Her patience towards seeing Kelley was running thin.

“Aaron, can’t you make some sort of exception here? It looked like Kelley took a nasty hit, Madison just wants to make sure she’s going to be okay.” Aaron’s gears seemed to be moving as he thought of a solution. The man’s eyes looked sweet and he didn’t want to stifle the woman from easing her worry. 

“Look they just took her back, give me ten minutes. You both, stay here.” He grabbed the walkie-talking hanging from his belt loop. Madison couldn’t hear what he said to whoever was on the other side of the call. He walked off into the concrete hallway until they couldn’t see his red, white, and blue track jacket any longer. The tan-skinned woman stood anxiously with Jeff in the exact place where Aaron had told them to stay. 

“You know,” he said as he leaned against the grey walls, “she’s lucky.” 

“Who is lucky?” Madison wasn’t really in the mood for small talk.

“Kelly.” He smiled, finding Madison’ glance, “She’s lucky to have someone like you   
looking over her. You’re a good egg Madison. I know, I’ve only known you for --” He looked down to check his watch, “an hour and a half. But I can tell you care about her. That’s good. Kelley needs that.” She didn’t know what to say in response but she pushed the hair out of her face and smiled.

“Thanks.” 

“I think you can handle yourself from here. Mind if I head back up? The game is almost over.” He said.

“Yeah. You go. Thanks for helping me out.” He leaned down to give Madison an unexpected hug.

“I hope to see you again soon.” And he made his way to the elevators they had been in just minutes before. Within minutes of Jeff’s departure, Madison felt the light touch of something on her shoulder. When she turned around she saw Aaron with a tight-lipped smile.

“Follow me.” She followed him briskly to an area of the stadium she didn’t think she’d seen ever. There were barricades separating an open space with reporters already lining up on the other side waiting for their interview. The turned through maze until they reached a blue door which Aaron pushed open, allowing Madison to walk in before him. There in the room, Kelley was sitting up holding ice to her head and talking jovially with the team doctors. Seeing Kelley smile was all Madison needed to feel at peace. The dark haired woman sheepishly approached the brunette not sure how to navigate the next few minutes. When Kelley met Madison’s eyes, she smiled even bigger and took the ice off her face to expose the damage. Shades of blue and black were already beginning to find refuge under Kelley’s right eye. Madison walked over carefully and examined the bruises.

“Aaron?” Kelley said, “can you guys give us a minute?” The doctors and Aaron quietly exited the room. Kelley grabbed Madison’s hand and expanded the space between them. The doctor stopped what she was doing and respected the space.

“I’m sorry, I know I wasn’t supposed to --” She started. 

“No, it’s not that.” Kelley stopped her, “I just wanted to see your face.” She smiled, “I’m okay, it's just a black eye. The doctors said everything checked out.” 

“Are you sure?” Madison asked.

“Yes, Madi. I don’t need another doctor. I need this.” She gestured toward Madison’s hand which was cradled in her own. 

“I was so worried, you didn’t move. I thought it might have been spinal or nuerological--” Madison began rambling.

“I’m fine.” Kelley smiled and leaned into kiss the woman who still had worry on her face which dissipated as she sunk into the kiss with every second. They were interrupted by Aaron who came in to tell Kelley the team had pulled off the win all thanks to her. He smiled sweetly at the two women who were still connected by their linked fingers. Kelley looked up to the woman standing besides her.

“Let me shower and we can leave?” Madison nodded. Kelley pressed on more kiss to Madison’s head and popped off the table, following Aaron back to the team locker room. She hoped her night was only beginning.


End file.
